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Swamp Thing (1982)

29 Oct

Seriously. This monster suit looks like a grade-school art project.

I went into “Swamp Thing” with fairly high hopes. One of my favorite ’80s scream queens is the star, and it was one of horror guru Wes Craven’s first larger budget movies, so I expected a certain level of sophistication, even if it proved fairly tame in the scare department. Imagine my (disappointed) surprise when what I got was essentially a made-for-TV movie. Continue reading

Venus in Furs (1969)

15 Oct

 

She's pretty for sure. But in film, as in life, sometimes pretty just ain't enough.

 

I kept waiting for the horror in “Venus in Furs.” It’s listed as a “horror classic” on Netflix, and the premise seems supernatural if less than spooky. Little by little, I became quite aware of the true terror of this film: With every monotone voice-over, I shuddered. With every hamfisted musical exclamation, I cringed. With every wooden expression, I gnashed my teeth. Yes, the true terror of “Venus in Furs” is in how mind-meltingly bad it is. Continue reading

Bad Biology (2008)

4 Oct

Do yourself a favor and don't Google Image Search this movie unless you're at home. It's nearly impossible to find photos of this film that are safe for work.

I was looking for something in the vein of “Re-Animator” when I stumbled upon Frank Henenlotter’s “Bad Biology.” It seemed to fit the bill: Campy premise, elements of black comedy, not too serious or scary yet still classed in the horror genre. At best, I hoped for something funny and kind of gross that I could easily spend 80 minutes or so with. At worst, I thought it’d be tedious and juvenile. My estimates on worst were way, way off.
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