Tag Archives: 2009

Thirst (2009)

18 Oct

 

So a priest walks into a blood bank ... Stop me if you've heard this one ...

 

Chan-wook Park has never failed to impress me with his measured, mature films. His “Vengeance” trilogy was aesthetically bold and accented with jaw-dropping action sequences, but beneath the stylish surface was a series of masterful takes on the complex emotions which inspire vengeance. So when the auteur decided to take on a vampire tale with “Thirst,” my interest was decidedly piqued. Continue reading

The Human Centipede: First Sequence (2009)

12 Oct

 

You should really believe me when I tell you that in this movie, the mad scientist is much scarier than his monster.

 

You may think you don’t want to see “The Human Centipede: First Sequence” because of its absolutely horrific concept, all the other various horrific functions which arise from said concept, or merely because you don’t enjoy the sub-genre of horror commonly monikered “torture porn.” In reality, you don’t want to see it because it’s a shoddily-made film that undermines its horrific concept with gaping plot holes and severe logic issues. If for some reason you don’t already know what the central concept is, you should stop reading now. Spoilers will be necessary to talk about this film in any reasonable fashion. Continue reading

The House of the Devil (2009)

1 Oct

Shouldn't she be ... oh, I don't know ... less pretty at this point, or something?

The House of the Devil” was an inspired choice for starting off my 31 Nights of Horror experiment. There aren’t too many flicks like this one out there these days — not new flicks anyway — and this movie, while imperfect, hits just the right nostalgic notes for longtime horror fans. Continue reading

The Girl Who Played With Fire (2009)

13 Sep

Don't let this photo fool you. This film is boring.

Lisbeth Salander captured the world’s attention in the wildly successful “The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo.” The character’s complex blend of indifference, intellect and sex appeal proved irresistible for readers and film audiences alike. Unfortunately, “The Girl Who Played With Fire,” the second installment in the Salander trilogy, isn’t as compelling as the initial offering, and the marked decrease in strength of story casts serious doubts on the trilogy’s finale. Continue reading

TiMER (2009)

8 Sep

So if he doesn't make my TiMER go off, but he's really cute, is it wrong to make out with him?

From the concept of a single soulmate for every person to questioning the purpose of relationships that don’t last, “TiMER” is a little movie that takes on big questions and almost succeeds in answering them. Continue reading

The Goods: Live Hard, Sell Hard (2009)

4 Sep

In this corner, trying hard to win your affection yet failing miserably: Our Heroes.

Remember not so long ago during the “Kick-Ass” discussion when I cautioned against using a descriptive word in your title if you couldn’t guarantee said word? You guessed it, “The Goods: Live Hard, Sell Hard” doesn’t deliver, um, the goods. Not by a long shot. Continue reading

(500) Days of Summer (2009)

1 Sep

People this attractive shouldn't be allowed to be together. It ruins the gene pool for the rest of us.

My inner cynic thought I would hate “(500) Days of Summer.” I don’t like many romantic movies, much less romantic comedies. I get tired of the drooling fanboy worship of Zooey Deschanel (who is a fine actress, but come on!). The movie seemed overly hipster-y and slightly twee. My inner cynic was, however, wrong. Continue reading

A Single Man (2009)

18 Aug

Colin Firth and Julianne Moore are so, so stylish. And sad, too. But always stylish.

“Style over substance” is a neat, nearly meaningless statement used to detract from artistic achievement when it also happens to be somehow aesthetically outre. “A Single Man,” helmed as it was by Tom Ford, was simply begging for this hollow phrase to be tossed about. Instead, by the end of the movie, I was thinking perhaps in this case, style IS the substance.
Continue reading